We are delighted to share the heart warming story of Yvette and Gail who's friendship
proved to be so wonderful it crossed the barriers of gender identity, but gives us all a taste of some of the issues
faced by women and men needing to take the necessary journey to find peace in their true
gender and identity.
Hello, my name is Gail and I’m married to a wonderful man called Tom who
is a plumber and we have two children. Toby now fifteen and Katie who is nine years old.
We moved to Devon two years ago when Tom was made redundant. We both came from
the Manchester area and Tom started a small business in the South West.
When we lived in Manchester I became a Christian through people I met when I took
Toby to a Mum and Toddler group in a local Anglican church.
My discovery of faith is something Tom has never shared, despite my efforts to
get him to come to Church. He feels it’s a place he can’t relate to, but somewhere I could
go when he went with the lads to play football every Sunday.
Toby came with me when he was little and went to Sunday school but as he
got older he adopted his Dad’s macho image, and football took over.
Katie on the other hand is totally different and invited Jesus in to her life
last year. She even says she would like to marry a Vicar when she grows up!!
Life was tough in Manchester trying to make ends meet with two small children
and Tom wasn't happy at work. I often went to church with a long sad face.
I got to know a man in the Congregation called Kevin, who I became really close
to, and used to recognise how I was feeling. We would have a chat over coffee and he always had the right words, and I was
touched by his deep faith. Despite our close relationship, I knew little about Kevin, other than he worked with Computers,
owned his own home and had an elderly Mum living over the Pennines at Leeds. I was never really drawn to Kevin on a physical
level, and never saw him as competition for Tom, even though I admit he was very good looking and well turned out, and more
on my wavelength than Tom and I had ever been. In truth, he was somehow above being fancied, if that makes sense? He
had beautiful, angelic qualities, above the ways of this world even, and I joked in my mind that he must be gay!
My unique relationship with Kevin came to abrupt end when he stopped coming to
church. Being an honourable wife, I had never taken his phone number or for that matter his address. I eventually asked the
Vicar if he knew why Kevin had stopped attending church. He replied by saying that he thought I would be the one to know this.
I seemed to be the person he would spend most time with after church.
Had Kevin been taken ill, or suffered a dreadful accident?
I did keep thinking and wondering, but nothing came to light and eventually I
concluded he must have been called back to Leeds to be with his Mum and then decided not to return.
Well weeks turned in to months, and then years. Well, five years to be precise.
When Tom and I were planning on moving to Devon to start our new life, we
felt that we would like to take a trip down memory lane and take the children to Blackpool where we went as children.
Tom and Toby decided to have a go on the fun fair and I was getting a headache
so I went with Katie for a walk along the promenade.
Katie said her foot was hurting. She probably banged or twisted it on one of the
children’s fun rides so we sat on a bench so I could take a look. A lady was sitting on the bench wearing a head scarf
and I didn't take a lot of notice of her. I was pre-occupied with Katie who started to cry and said her foot was
really hurting, and appeared to find it hard to put the injured limb on the ground. She sat sobbing on the bench next
to me. and I bent over to get my mobile phone out of my bag.. I thought I better get a taxi back to where we had parked
the car and keep an eye on my little girl for a while and wait for the men in my life. As I lifted my head, I noticed the
woman was looking at me. She looked so familiar, but why?
“Hello Gail” she said.
“You know my name, where do I know you from, you look so familiar”
“I’m Yvette, but you knew me as Kevin” came the reply
“Oh my God”
“Oh my God, what can I say”
“What happened, I missed you, I couldn’t understand why you left the
church and never said good bye”
Yvette smiled “you don’t have to say anything”
There were a few moments when neither of us spoke and Katie rubbed her foot unaware
of what was going on.
“ Have I shocked you, Gail?”
“No, no, not really, it’s just a shock seeing you, that’s all”
“Of course, I understand, but you see Gail, I had to change, I was tortured
as Kevin, I was in the wrong body all my life. I recognised my true female gender at five years of age, but there was no one
I could talk to who could possibly understand. What I’ve been through is something I wouldn’t want anyone
to go through. My Mum is confused by everything, and I have huge anxiety about how this has affected her. My cousins now think
I’m a freak, and I hadn’t the confidence to stay around people I knew as Kevin. I now live here in Blackpool and
had the final operation three months ago. I am Yvette for sure“ she chuckled bravely
“ Will you do something for me, Gail?”
“I’ll try” came my uncertain reply
“Give me a hug” she said
“Of course, I will, come here, you deserve the biggest hug this side of
JOHN’S STORY PART 1
This story is about a man who became a committed
Christian and sought to follow God as a Church Leader, believing in the power of the Holy Spirit to heal people. John adopted
the views of some fundamental Christians to deal with the issues around the thoughts and feelings he experienced about his
John ignored the feelings and buried them, forcing himself to live as a heterosexual man
and got married.
This story is not unique and many of our readers relate to John's experiences in their
THE NEED TO FACE THE TRUTH
As time moved forward, John found trying to live as a heterosexual man increasingly
more painful, and it felt as if he was being tortured at times. He became more convinced every day, he would
need to change direction, and stop pretending to be a different person and un cover
the truth about himself and live accordingly.
"Nature always wins" and God, who created everything, would want John to become the person he
was created to be.
MY JOURNEY TO ME BY JOHN
CONFORMING TO EXPECTATIONS
When John was a teenager he found
Christianity by meeting some Christians at a sixth form college, and later joined their Pentecostal church. He
truly felt God had a calling on his life, and trained to be a Pastor. He lived on the buzz and euphoria associated
with the Born Again Christian experience. He found great joy and happiness in following Christ this way, and whilst feeling
he had truly encountered the risen Lord Jesus in his life, he also felt richly blessed at having a life free from
many of the world’s trappings such as drugs and alcohol which many people of his age had been tempted by, to their loss.
After passing through his Ministerial training, he became an assistant Pastor for youth in a
thousand strong Congregation, and regularly prayed in tongues. These are utterances which sound like a foreign language.
Some Christians believe them to be a special gift from the Holy Spirit used to express worship and
demonstrate God's presence. John saw God change peoples' lives. He saw youngsters suffering addictive, physical and emotional
problems join the church and begin a new life in Christ filled with joy and happiness.
As John entered his mid twenties, his Senior Pastor felt he needed to have a wife to assist
him and his Ministry and help pave the way towards leading a church of his own in the future.
SIGNS OF THE TRUTH
John had frequently found he was physically attracted to other men, but due to his religious
beliefs, accepted these were lies infiltrating his mind from the devil. He believed everyone must be heterosexual to
be accepted by God, and his mind was simply battling against dark forces trying to make him a homosexual. John also believed
gay and lesbian people had been seduced by similar thoughts and lies spoken in to their minds by supernatural and dark forces
at work in the world to make them an abomination in the sight of God.
John had recognised that he had gained the attention of a woman called Jo who went to his church
and was training to be a nurse at the local hospital. She didn’t take a lot of persuasion to accept a date,
and with in a year they married.
John had experienced some anxiety about coping with being married to a woman, due his sexual
preference, but every doubt was blamed on the devil, and John truly believed these distractions were Satan’s way
of trying to break up a powerful Christian Ministry God had arranged for Jo and himself to take up later in their lives. Several
people in the church claimed God had told them personally, there was a marvellous ministry waiting for
John and Jo to take up as a married couple, engaged in full time service for their denomination.
The wedding took place and at first John found married life less traumatic than some of his
worst thoughts had suggested.
John had secretly worried about being able to perform sexually with Jo, but both were virgins
and he discovered he was able to fulfill this side of the relationship, even though, it just never felt right.
THE PRICE OF TRYING TO LIVE AS ANOTHER PERSON
Nine months after their wedding John started to get feelings of depression and strong thoughts
of being trapped with no hope for his life. He felt he was in a dark, bleak place.
His Senior Pastor felt John was under Satan’s attack, and met with him daily for prayer,
but when John got worse and was finding it hard to get up in the morning, attend to his church responsibilities and was sleeping
in a spare room, the Pastor agreed he should seek medical help from a respected member of their church who was also a
He was diagnosed with stress, anxiety and depression and the GP recommended he took time from
work. John rejected the opportunity to take medication to help his moods, he truly believed God must heal him
for everything that was wrong in his life.
RECOGNISING THE NEED TO BE HIMSELF
John felt claustraphobic and decided he should go by himself to stay in a holiday
cottage owned by friends. He told Jo that given some space, he could over come his problems. Jo was really upset and
hurt her new husband seemed to be rejecting her.
John and Jo argued about his plans, and it was only when Jo feared their marriage could
be at risk, she finally agreed to go along with them.
When John moved to the cottage seventy miles away, he was in contact with his Senior Pastor
by phone every day for prayer and support, but he could not deny an intense feeling of release at not being with Jo as her
husband, and free from the deep burden and strain of trying to live a life that wasn't right for him.
THERE WILL BE PAIN FOR OTHER PEOPLE
By himself, he determined that if he returned to Jo he would feel trapped, and a prisoner,
trying to be someone his true nature would not allow, and he could never find inner peace this way. His only hope was to try
and tell Jo their marriage was over, but he knew he wouldn't be able to give her a reason. He was still not able
to put in to words the truth about what he needed to do, live as himself, a gay man.
He bit the bullet one Friday night, and said to Jo over the phone that he wouldn’t be
going back to her, but soften this but saying, " for a while at least".
Jo was in a dreadful state at this news as she loved John very much,and was having to deal with
all her own emotional feelings caused by John's behaviour.
After the call, in distress, she phoned their Senior Pastor and went to spend some time with
him and his wife. The Senior Pastor called John by telephone from another room in his house, whilst his wife comforted
Jo. John felt he needed to stand firm, and stated he believed his marriage was probably over and he couldn't be
with Jo. He was feeling too afraid to mention the fact, he was coming to terms with being a gay man. The
Pastor tried to help John understand his situation was retrievable before God, and how he just needed more prayer
and counselling. John knew in his inner core, this was not going to be the answer, and felt the Pastor could never
understand what was really going on. Like most funadmental believers the Pastor had a very blinkered, black
and white view of human sexuality. He felt he didn't belong in this church anymore, he needed to be free to
find his true self. The only person who hadn’t changed for John was God. He felt Jesus understood more than any what
was happening to him, his faith was still there, and knew the Lord would guide him through this period of discovery.
John started to find the courage to accept he didn't have to spend his whole
life forcing himself in to an alien existence, and there was a future for him, but he would have to work hard to get
there. Too many events had taken place while he tried to live as a heterosexual man to stop it from being easy.
People he trusted and loved would be hurt.
Thinking about the future and where his love and knowledge of God was at this time, he
took on a positive approach by exploring the work of Theologians who had concluded the Bible doesn't condemn homosexuals, and
that homophobic interpretations are rooted in a fear of diversity, rather than a proper understanding of Holy Scripture .
He sought counsel from a telephone help line attached to a group like Free from Prejudice. The woman he spoke with said
his first step to realizing God's affirmation for him as a gay man was to “Come out to God in private
prayer” This would offer him the starting point on the essential journey of finding his true self.
The second part of John's story follows Patrick's account of his experiences as a closet gay
Christian living in a rural Community.
FACT - A recent survey showed this website is visited most frequenty by bi sexual
women. Most are married to men and have families. The fact they are attracted to other women is a closely guarded secret and
our site offers them knowledge they are not alone and a place to explore themselves.
TOO LATE TO SHOCK WITH THE TRUTH
PATRICK is a sixty year old man who lives with his 86 year old mother, Agnes in a mid Devon village . His mother has always
been a Christian and member of the parish church and Patrick was brought up in the Sunday school. He is now a Member of the
Parish Council having spent his whole life worshipping in the same building. Patrick is a well respected member of the local
Community and now looks after Agnes and provides all her care since his Father died fifteen years ago. Patrick has a sister
called Joyce who lives with her husband in the next village. They have four children and several grandchildren all living
close by. People recognise Patrick's skills as a Carer and often say to him that it's such a shame he never married as he
would make an excellent father and husband! He laughs off such comments with a joke that his Mother would kill any woman he
tried to marry and adds he's too selfish to share his life.
PATRICK has a secret that he has only shared with people he has grown to trust through this site. He is a gay man. He struggles
with his sexuality and the fact he is physically attracted to men rather than women. He worries about the future and the thought
of being alone when his Mum dies. He regrets being gay as it has caused him to hide his true feelings from his family and
friends. There is no way he could tell anyone about himself as they wouldn't understand and considers he has left it too late
to "shock" people with the truth. Patrick recognises people are more tolerant and accepting of gay people in society these
days and says that people in his church appear to be open minded about having gay people in their congregation, although quickly
adds he hasn't come across anyone who has openly admitted to being homosexual in the congregation! He says a lesbian couple
recently moved to the village and people don't go out of their way to discriminate against them, although he did witness some
men who are regulars at the local pub make a joke about their relationship after a few pints!
A LIFE WITH OUT INTIMACY
Patrick has never had a physical relationship with another man and feels he will die a virgin. He says when he was younger
he tried to deny his sexuality and concentrated on his work as a television repair man and a social life with the church.
He spent ten years going to evangelical christian meetings which he said caused him to further withdraw from recognising his
HIDING FROM THE TRUTH
Whilst he was attending an ecumenical evanglical group who held regular meetings around a few local churches he helped
counsel a man of a similar age called Steve who had turned to faith after his wife left him due to his violent behaviour towards
her and was prevented from seeing his children. Steve wanted to find a way of getting access to his children and was deeply
unhappy with his life. Patrick found Steve extremely attractive and fell in love with him. Patrick wrestled with his emotions
and gave a lot of time and energy caring for Steve over a long period of time. This was filling an unmet need in Patrick's
life. Steve confessed during their friendship that he had sex with some transvestites on several occassions whilst he was
in the Armed Forces and suggested that he had enjoyed the experience. These confessions seemed to stir in Patrick a vain hope
they could have a physical relationship one day, but the unspoken tension only lead to misery and torture for Patrick, especially
as he had a position of responsibility to consider. In time, Steve started a relationship with a single woman and didn't have
time for Patrick any more. She went to a local church in the area. The Leaders of the Evangelical group felt Patrick had become
too attached to his work as a Counsellor and needed to withdraw from this area of Ministry. Patrick has never understood if
the Leaders had an idea that his involvement was linked to his physical and emotional love for Steve, but felt that he was
clearly not in the right place and stopped going to their meetings. At this time the Evangelical group became involved with
a belief in an alledged new move of God's Spirit called the Tormoto blessing and Patrick made the excuse that he didn't agree
with this new form of worship and remained with his local church which was very traditional in it's style of worship
TRYING THE SCENE
Later Patrick went through a phase of driving his car to a gay cruising ground and parked his vehicle watching men go in
and out of the woods for casual sex. For a long time he was too nervous to get out of his car to take part, but as the visits
increased he got more confident and got to know the regular faces. One day he spotted an attractive man starring at him from
the corner of the car park and indicated Patrick should follow him in to the woods. Patrick described his heart pounding with
a weird cocktail of fear and excitement. There was no one else around. For some reason he decided to wait a few moments and
as he touched the door of his car, two police vehicles came swooping in to the car park. One stopped in front of Patrick's
van and the other blocked the entrance to the car park. Patrick felt afraid but suddenly realized that he wasn't actually
committing a crime and pretended to be adjusting his new car hifi. The Police didn't leave their vehicles or speak to Patrick
and drove off again. A few moments later the man in the woods returned to his car and drove off. Patrick left the car park,
trembling at the thought of being caught by the Police in a sexual act with this man. As he drove towards the main road he
spotted the man he nearly followed parked with the Police Officers, talking to them. Patrick wondered if he was really a plain
clothes Police Officer who was trying to lure him in to a trap. He says he'll never know the truth but he was too scared to
ever try cruising again. He concluded that God was well and truly with him that day!
A PLACE OF TOTAL ACCEPTANCE
Patrick now communicates with us and because he is a Supporter we are able to reply. He knows his sexuality must remain
a secret. His loves his Mum and his life around the church and his family. Patrick says if he had been born fifty years later
than life would have turned out very differently and he believes he could have been openly gay. His regrets are many. He should
have "come out" as a teenager when he first knew he was gay. He should have moved to London or a another city to meet other
gay people and perhaps have found the man of his dreams. Still, Patrick remains a man of faith and says whatever the path
he had followed there would have been difficulties and times of despair and thanks God for the good things in his life. He
could have become very bitter with the way his life has turned out but he tries not to think about the missed opportuniites.
JOHN'S STORY PART 2
John, a Church Youth Minister, had denied his sexuality and true identity to conform to a heterosexual
lifestyle forced on him by the views and attitudes of Society, in particular fundamental Christians.
He tried to blame his gay feelings on the devil and even got married to please his Church Leaders.
Eventually, John’s health suffered as he tried to live a life that wasn’t right for him.
He became depressed and anxious and couldn’t cope with his daily routines in the church. Even though everyone in the
fellowship were doing their best to help, John knew they couldn’t understand and moved to a friend’s holiday home.
Here, with time away from all the pressures of forcing himself to live as a heterosexual man, he began
to discover himself, and knew he would have a long journey, and there was all the hurt, pain and confusion he was going to
cause other people by making the decision to become himself.
TIME IS A GREAT HEALER AS WELL
After a month alone in the holiday cottage, he noticed the help from his Church family was turning
to frustration and anger towards him. The Senior Pastor, phoned and sarcastically asked which Church had John started to go
to? When John said he hadn't joined a new church, the Pastor recommended he came back to his old Church stripped
of all his Ministerial duties, and sat with the Congregation to simply absorb the presence of God. Jo had been making
a few angry phone calls herself, and was getting a lot of her strength from people in the congregation. She demanded
John made a choice about their future. All John could say, was "sorry".
EXPLORING HIS NEW LIFE
One weekend, John travelled eighty miles to spend an afternoon with a group of Gay Christian men who
had advertised their meeting in a church magazine. John felt very welcome, but rather incompatible as the youngest was
sixty five years of age, and he felt they were very inward looking and sadly rather boring.
After the meeting, he took the brave step of visiting a gay pub for the first time and got invited
to join a group of gay men who were planning on going to a night club later. Whilst enjoying a non alcoholic
drink at the bar, John was chatted to by a tall, blond, curly haired Solicitor of a similar age to himself, and
was invited to go back to his flat. John was still na´ve and innocent about the gay scene, and thought he would just
have a cup of coffee with this friendly person, and then go on his way. He rarely drunk alcohol as it was frowned on
by his former church, and this night he needed his car for the long journey home. He had no idea being invited to
someone’s home at a club was an invitation for sex. It was here John had his first sexual encounter with another
man, and this helped him realize that a gay relationship was the natural way for him to be intimate. Yes, he
remembered his former Church's view of homosexuality, and there was still the strong feelings of guilt in his heart,
which many birthed in fundamentalism experience for a long time after being realised from it, but John needed
to experience who he really was, and felt Jesus was still ever present in his life. He could now see how the
judgements of fundamental believers is rooted in a blind culture of ignorance, and the best example of
this, is their false acceptance that being gay is a choice. John choose to accept this physical experience was one
of complete mutual consent. As far as he was aware, the man whom he had sex with didn't have a Partner, and his
marriage to Jo was over. Interestingly, John felt it was inappropriate to raise the topic of his Christian faith with the
man, as the LGBT Community are very wary of people who hold religious views due to their condemnation and lack of
acceptance by so many people who go to church. Even at this first meeting, this man happened to mention how he had sex
with an Anglican priest , and how this poor person of the Church had loads of hang ups. He sees all Christians
as bigots, full of ignorence, blinded by the thought they are always right and have beliefs born out of hate
for certain people.
LEARNING THE GAY CULTURE
John was wrong to assume that by wanting to have sex , this man would also
want to start a relationship. He really liked him physically, and had developed a crush. John had little insight in to
the one night stand, and felt very disappointed when the gentleman failed to return his phone calls after he got
home. However, John soon agreed that it was for the best. There were just too many things for him to
deal with in his life. It was impossible for him to contemplate settling down in to a gay relationship, He
would need to find a new job and deal with the issues of a failed marriage. He rightly chose to move
on and put his encounter with the attractive Solicitor down to experience.
RECONCILING FAITH AND SEXUALITY
John decided to travel to a Metropolitan Community Church for a service a few weeks later, here he
was able to meet some lesbian and gay Christians and found these were the people he belonged with. He could make real friends
here, but it was a bit of a journey and he knew he couldn’t do it every week. With no work, he needed
to watch his money. The people who owned the holiday cottage would want it for letting to holidaymakers by the end
of March, and as Christmas loomed, he thought positvely, the new year offered an opportunity to focus on moving
ahead with his life in the way it should really go.
He also joined an internet site for gay men and began chatting to people on line to build his social
network and understand more about the Community to which he best belonged.
A REVIEW OF FAMILY VALUES
Christmas was going to be a strange time for him. It would have been his first as a married man, but
he wouldn’t be welcome with Jo or her family. He was now beginning to feel the increasing divide between the present
and his past.
However, as he felt happier and more at peace with himself , John realized his
relationship with family members had not been good. John's sister, Ruth lived near his father, their mother had
died of cancer many years earlier, when John was just a teenager. His father had recently developed Alzheimer’s
disease. He was now forced to live in a care home near Ruth. John had withdrawn from his sister and father because neither
were Christian. Ruth had been fed up and angry when John became a Christian, as he kept preaching
to people, and she felt embarrassed by her brother's constant and insensitive evangelism, pledging to save everyone's soul.
She could not forgive his heartless comments about their Mother having gone to hell for not giving her life
to Christ. However,she attended his wedding to Jo, but left quickly after the ceremony. She had openly vented her anger about
how John had done so very little to support his father, when he needed help after his memory started to fail,
and how John never gave her the opportunity of taking a break from providing their Dad's care. She openly
told John her opinion that he had been brainwashed by his church, and had dumped his family to
be with his barmy religious friends. She felt John did this because they couldn't share
his passion for Christianity.
John’s home town, sister and father were all living 200 miles away in South London.
He decided to make contact with an old friend from the area. Someone, he once shared
a house with when he first left home as a young man. The friend called George always sent John a Christmas card
every year, and John knew he was now living with another man called Peter and had moved to Cambridge. John returned
a Christmas card with a biblical verse, but only because he felt he would, one day, need to offer George Ministry,
and deliver him from the spirit of homosexuality!
George had always offered John the chance of visiting his home, and he seemed really pleased that at last,
after many years, John would be accepting the long standing offer. It was arranged John would drive up to Cambridge
after Christmas, and would call to see his Dad in the South London care home en route. John had no issues about
being alone on Christmas day, and even went to a very traditional Anglican Midnight mass near the holiday cottage
which he found he really enjoyed, contrary to his pentecostal view that Anglican churches frequently lacked God’s
John saw his Dad and started to feel that as his life was really starting to change
for the better, he felt compassion and wanted be supportive to his Dad, even though by now, he struggled
to realize who his son was because of the Alzheimer’s. John spotted with regret, how his neglect
of the family was rooted in feelings of anger, as he had been blaming them for the way he felt about his sexuality and it's
impact on his life
John felt he was breaking free. After seeing his Dad, he popped in to a gay bar in Soho to
meet a man called Adrian, who he had been chatting to on the internet. Adrian was a nurse, and they soon realized they got
on really well, but just as friends. Adrian told John that he thought they would be excellent as “sisters”
because they laughed, chatted and had so much in common, but Adrian said the fizz for a physical relationship just wasn’t
there, and hoped he understood. John valued Adrian’s honesty, and thought he was a lovely person too, albeit rather
camp and effeminate and not someone he who would choose to have as a boyfriend either. Even though John had only
experienced gay sex once, in his heart he felt a physical relationship was something for him to share with
just one man, even though he wasn't judgemental towards gay men he had met online who confessed
they regularly had sex with different people. Adrian said that he was very careful not to ask people to his home,
as he had been mugged by a person he had taken home from a club, but he trusted John, he
felt he could trust a Church Minister, and suggested they met for a second time; this time, at his flat, following John's visit
to his old friend George.
HARD TO COME OUT TO OLD FRIENDS
John went to George’s home and was made very welcome. Something very strange happened, John realized
he could not predicted his reaction in certain situations, and surprisingly had no ability to summon the courage
to tell George he was gay, even though he soon realized George and Peter shared a bedroom, and two friends, Rachel and Tina
who joined them for an evening meal were openly lesbian. It was weird, it was like people he knew in the past as a closet,
confused gay man could not be told the truth. John simply didn’t understand it. He said to George that he was getting
over his marriage and just needed time to sort himself out. George asked John if he would like to go to church with him on
the Sunday. He said that Peter couldn’t stand religion as he viewed it as the root of discrimination and hypocrisy,
and George said he agreed with his Partner, but knew that God was above all the failings of humanity and childish attitudes,
he loved the services, especially the quiet times for prayer. He told John his church was very liberal and forward thinking,
and his being gay wasn’t really a problem to them. John just wanted George to know he approved, and admitted he had
been to a Metropolitan Community church. George remarked how wonderful it must be for gay people to share communion and hold
hands with their partners. Peter’s lack of interest and the fact the nearest MCC was a long way meant he had never been
to such a liberal place of worship.
Despite the lack of disclosure to his old friend, John left Cambridge and headed back to London. He might
be able to tell him another day?
THE START OF A GREAT FRIENDSHIP
Adrian had agreed John could go to his flat, and when he arrived, he found Adrian had prepared
him a lovely meal. Adrian then announced he had made up a spare bed so John could have a drink and stop over if
he wished. John accepted the kind invitation as he truly didn't relish driving back to where he was staying in Devon
over night. During the evening, Adrian told John that his mother was a a Christian, in fact, a strong Baptist and
didn’t agree with his sexuality. His father had left home when he was young. He remarked that his sister was completely
fine about having a gay brother and was also a Christian. Adrian said he often baby sits his sister's two sons. He described
her husband as being "stunningly gorgeous and totally heterosexual". He added “he is so straight, he walks around the
house only in boxers, letting me see his manly body, whilst I'm right next to him, and doesn't bat an eye lid that
I like men.”
Adrian shared a view, that men who are totally at peace with being heterosexual don’t
have problems being around gay people, but men who may have some element towards being gay or
bisexual in their own make up, are more inclined to have negative attitudes towards men who are totally gay. He
said “It’s like they are trying to hurt that bit of themselves they have been led to believe is wrong, and can’t
come terms with it. There is so much ignorence and prejudice in the world about human sexuality".
THE THIRD BIRTH
As John lay in bed in Adrian’s small box room, he looked at the ceiling, visible from light coming
off a street lamp between the gap in the curtains.
Life had become so different, he was like a youth again, despite everything, he
was at last able to feel happy. He had been born from his mother, born again when he came to faith, and now born a third
time in to the person he was truly supposed to be.
One regret, why had he wasted so many years trapped in an existence of conforming
to what other people wanted?
He prayed for a bit, and then concluded on the positive, maybe it had all been
a massive learning curve, a lesson to prepare him for something far greater in the future?
Please note that places and names have been changed to respect confidentiality and protect identity.